I had a rough night on Saturday ...... Out of no where I got upset and emotional. I was bbming with my mom and she kept telling me to shake it off and talk myself out of it. No matter what I did, I couldn't shake it off, it turned into a full blown anxiety and panic attack. It was hard to breath and I felt like I was going to pass out. My mom ended up coming up to sit with me and talk me out of it. She has a special way of calming me down. When I think back to what triggered it, I have no idea. I think I'm struggling with the fact that my life will never be the same as it was before. I know I'm lucky to have a second chance at life and lucky my tumour was able to be operated on, but it's upsetting knowing I won't have my old life back. My anxiety is something I'm trying to work on everyday......I really want to get out of this hospital and I need my physio to start progressing. I never thought physio would be this difficult, but it's turning out to be the hardest thing ever.
My days in ICU were alright I guess. I spent a lot of time sleeping. For the first few days my blood levels were everywhere and I ended up needing more blood after the surgery. A lot of my time in ICU was a blur. Saturday which was day after my surgery was Alyssa's first birthday. I can't believe she is 1 already. I did get to see her on her birthday which was nice, but I was tired and she was in a new place and got fussy pretty quick. The morning of her birthday my sister in law and brother were kind enough to watch her and had a mini party for her. See some of the pics below: She had a blast for her birthday and was totally spoiled. Back to ICU days .... My doctors had thought I'd still have the breathing tube in a few days after surgery. Everything went so well I was moved out of ICU by Tuesday. I was moved to my own private room, it wasn't on the floor my doctor originally wanted me to be but it would work until a room opened up. T
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