I had a rough night on Saturday ...... Out of no where I got upset and emotional. I was bbming with my mom and she kept telling me to shake it off and talk myself out of it. No matter what I did, I couldn't shake it off, it turned into a full blown anxiety and panic attack. It was hard to breath and I felt like I was going to pass out. My mom ended up coming up to sit with me and talk me out of it. She has a special way of calming me down. When I think back to what triggered it, I have no idea. I think I'm struggling with the fact that my life will never be the same as it was before. I know I'm lucky to have a second chance at life and lucky my tumour was able to be operated on, but it's upsetting knowing I won't have my old life back. My anxiety is something I'm trying to work on everyday......I really want to get out of this hospital and I need my physio to start progressing. I never thought physio would be this difficult, but it's turning out to be the hardest thing ever.
Why Me? This is still a question I ask myself quite often, almost too often. I've asked my oncologist from day one why me? Her response to me, there is no reason Laura why you got cancer, you didn't eat anything, you didn't do anything to get it. This is the mystery of cancer, no one knows why people get it. It's a horrible disease and I think I'm just starting to see how horrible it really is. I have friends and family who are cancer survivors, I've spent a lot of time confiding in them and talking about my struggles. My 2 friends who both are cancer survivors are the most positive people I know and a huge inspiration to me and when I'm having a rough time with things I turn to them. One of them is my best friend who is a cancer survivor going on 9 years and another is a former coworker who also survived cancer and has been cancer free for 3 years. It's not that I can't talk to other friends or family about my struggles but sometime...
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