I don't know what I'd do without my mother .......

I had a rough night on Saturday ...... Out of no where I got upset and emotional. I was bbming with my mom and she kept telling me to shake it off and talk myself out of it. No matter what I did, I couldn't shake it off, it turned into a full blown anxiety and panic attack. It was hard to breath and I felt like I was going to pass out. My mom ended up coming up to sit with me and talk me out of it. She has a special way of calming me down. When I think back to what triggered it, I have no idea. I think I'm struggling with the fact that my life will never be the same as it was before. I know I'm lucky to have a second chance at life and lucky my tumour was able to be operated on, but it's upsetting knowing I won't have my old life back. My anxiety is something I'm trying to work on everyday......I really want to get out of this hospital and I need my physio to start progressing. I never thought physio would be this difficult, but it's turning out to be the hardest thing ever.

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My Days in ICU and in Private Room

My days in ICU were alright I guess. I spent a lot of time sleeping. For the first few days my blood levels were everywhere and I ended up needing more blood after the surgery. A lot of my time in ICU was a blur. Saturday which was day after my surgery was Alyssa's first birthday. I can't believe she is 1 already. I did get to see her on her birthday which was nice, but I was tired and she was in a new place and got fussy pretty quick. The morning of her birthday my sister in law and brother were kind enough to watch her and had a mini party for her. See some of the pics below: She had a blast for her birthday and was totally spoiled. Back to ICU days .... My doctors had thought I'd still have the breathing tube in a few days after surgery. Everything went so well I was moved out of ICU by Tuesday. I was moved to my own private room, it wasn't on the floor my doctor originally wanted me to be but it...

WOW I haven't Blogged since April .... Lots to catch up on

Where to begin? First I apologize I haven't blogged since April...I promised I'd keep my blog up to date when I got home but things have been busy busy busy. On April 17th I had my routine followup appointment with my surgeon Dr Ghert. All went well, my scans came back clear and she was very happy to see me walking and was impressed with all the progress I have made. I still get alot of anxiety at those appointments and I sure hope that gets easier and easier as time passes. My next appointment is in July the week before we leave for the cottage. In July it will also be 1 year since I've been diagnosed, something to celebrate for sure. As Kris Carr would say it will be my 1 year CANCERVERSARY lol!!!!! I asked my surgeon about returning to work and she said that I should talk to her in 6 months from now. I am eager to get back, but also know that I can't push myself too much or else I'll set myself back. Ive been...

Surgery #2 Done and Done

Surgery #2 went better then expected. They said the infection wasn't as bad as it looked on ct scan but they give it a good clean out and said the implant looks attached and well. So that's positive news to hear. Oh and go me .... Even tho I was stressed about my surgery I still decided to go ahead with Physio yesterday. Which Physio was impressed. I ended up sitting on end of bed and stood up for a few minutes only. It felt extremely more difficult this time but I think it was also because I hadn't eaten and wasn't able to drink. But I did it and that is all that counts. And the wait continued, I think that made my anxiety worse, they had thought my surgery was around 3pm-4pm. I wasn't able to drink or eat anything after mid-night before, which sucked. These hospital rooms are dry so my mouth was dry and pasty until the surgery. It was driving me nuts. The nurse allowed me a few ice chips thank god but still didn't do the ...

My Journey with Cancer

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